I was made a crown ward when I was 1 year old, with access to my mother. She was very ill and slowly dying of cancer. I don't remember the earlier homes, but do remember going back and forth to home from the foster home. My father sexually abused me, and always beat my mother. One night she was in the shower and he broke in the house and came in and tried to kill her. I remember standing there maybe 5 years old watching my dad have a gun pointed at my mom. He used to hit us both if she even stood up for me, so I remember alot of the times hiding under the table for fear of being hit.

When she died in 1980 I was 8 years old and had 2 younger sisters, one of which went from home to home w ith me. The other was adopted at the age of 8 months to a family friend.
My sister and I ended up in care for good because my father wasn't fit to take care of us. We went from home to home, staying at a place no more than a few months each time.

The first home I remember, they were awful. I know there were others before them, but I think I was too young to remember. My poor 4 year old sister wouldn't go to bed some nights as she was afraid of what was going on in our lives. The foster dad came into our room, by that time I knew how to fake sleeping to stay safe, picked her up and tried to drown her in the bathtub. He then brought her back to the room threw her in bed and yelled at her that will teach you you dumb bitch.... go to sleep, learn to be good like your sister. I know how scared she was after all she was only 4 years old. There were many incidents like that often things were thrown at us just for talking.

We were moved from that home, they thank god are not foster parents anymore.

We were then placed into a very nice foster home, nothing abusive happened there. I wish all homes could be like that. We stayed there for awhile.

There were a few more homes in between for some reason or other I don't remember. I have clips in my back from being thrown down a flight of stairs, which causes me not to be able to work or do as much today.

It was finally when I turned 12 years old that my sister and I were finally placed in the adoption home. It was great at first, they initially wanted to adopt only my sister, but I put up a fuss that she was going no where without me. I think I in my own way was trying to protect her from any more harm. They agreed the adoption was finalized.

It was fine at first, but then things started to get bad. FOr instance, one night I ate some of the chocolates my aunt had given me for christmas my adoptive mother found out so she lifted my top and beat me across the back with a leather belt. She thought this would teach me. There was many a time I would be beaten for various things no child should get in that kind of trouble for.

My sister stole $50 once and I was beat for it then forced to appoligise. I didn't so I got hit again. I wasn't going to appoligise for something I didn't do. They found out later that she had done it. They didn't say or do anything to her just let it go, not even so much as an I'm sorry.

There were times I was so ill(high fever, chills vomiting) that my adoptive mother would say quit faking it. I ended up with kidney infections, and other illnesses but she never took us to the doctors. Probably she didnt' want them to see the marks on our bodies from the beatings. I would lie in pain and agony for days.

On once incident she finally did take me in at my adoptive dads urging (he was the good one) The doctor told her she should have brought me in days ago, and that I had a high fever and an infection. She told him I was faking it he assured her I was not. I got medication and went home.

I wanted out of there so bad, it was to the point at 19 years old I was still not allowed to do anything. I ended up pregnant because I was sneaking around at a friends house. and really didn't care what happened to me as long as I got a way from that. I discovered quickly enough that worked as I was thrown out of the house into a hotel where they paid one month so as to get rid of me. I ended up on the streets, found an apartment, but ended up in an abusive relationship instead.

From there CAS got called, when I had my baby I lost him at 4 months old once they found me. I apparently was an unfit mother because I had been abused as a child.

To date I have lost 3 children permantly from them, and am in the process of fighting til my death for my 4 girls currently in the system now. I have never abused my children, nothing was ever proved, except that my first born had autism that I was told I caused.

To date this is what is always used, you were abused as a child so there is a high risk that you will do it to your children.

Iam worn down from fighting the CAS, but I will never give up.